1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
