when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
