i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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