I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
