ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
