From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
