Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
