ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
