That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
