my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
