"it" just moved
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
