we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
