As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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