Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
