did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
last night I used snow as a chaser
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
