he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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