Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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