Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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