Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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