Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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