Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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