Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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