I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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