saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
