last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
