party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
