i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
