Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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