I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
