If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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