we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
