i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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