Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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