Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
