ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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