i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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