i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
