dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
