She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
birth control should be required to get into college
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize