some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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