If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
