Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
