You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Randomize
