She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
