I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
