so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
