I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
