Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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