why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
