eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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