I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
