And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
