I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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