I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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