she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Say something about gay babies.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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