I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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