She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
