...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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