I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
