i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
