What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
