so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
