If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
