He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
