In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
