Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
