apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize